


If I took your heart, it'd be a home run

by JustFlyingBi



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics), Nightwing (Comics)
Genre: 12 Days of Christmas, A lot of birds because the song, Birds, But I tagged just in case, But sometimes that's exactly what you need, Christmas Fluff, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Misheard song lyrics, The batfam is minor and only comes in at the end, This does not take place in an alternate universe but I guess its not super relevant, cheesy as hell, christmas shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:20:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28617219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustFlyingBi/pseuds/JustFlyingBi
Summary: "Dickie-bird, babe, why are there 3 old ladies speaking in Latin in our living room eating tomato soup?"The ladies all perked up at hearing that and Jason prayed that they didn't understand the words, "old ladies". Dick looked unaffected."First of all, they're speaking French. I promised to feed them, hence the soup. And they seemed less of a hassle then those female chickens..." Dick shuddered as if thinking about something that Jason could not even fathom. The fowl horrors.Ah, it was part of Dick's "epic" romance inspired Christmas plans. That explained everything. Sort of. However, Jason, did not feel wooed in the slightest. Just confused. And a little weirded out.
Relationships: Dick Grayson/Jason Todd
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	If I took your heart, it'd be a home run

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from misheard lyrics to the song "Wild Ones." It's actually, "If I took you home it'd be a home run." (But also considering the theme of this story, misheard lyrics really fit. Haha. I like to laugh at my own jokes.)
> 
> I would just like to acknowledge that I don't think Dick is stupid. I just live for nerd!Jason explaining things. And I can also see Dick just misunderstanding a lot of things or trying his best but not being able to actually get the physical objects he needs. Also, let's pretend he clearly didn't think to just look up the correct lyrics or meaning on the internet. Writers license, guys. 
> 
> Thank you. Merry Christmas. (Or anything else you celebrate or don't. :)) (Even though, it's January 7th, where I am.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Go off.

"I'm surprised that you remember every line of the 12 days of Christmas without looking at the lyrics. I usually get confused after the five golden rings part." Dick admitted while they were having an impromptu Christmas themed carpool karaoke.

Jason had protested at first, but then he ended up getting more into it than his boyfriend when he started to recognize more of the songs.

"Well, it is my favorite Christmas song." Jason gave a little satisfied smirk that he was better than Dick at something. Even if it was only memorizing Christmas song lyrics.

"Wow, really? I wouldn't have thought you'd have a favorite Christmas song. And if you were to have one, I would have thought something more intense like Carol of the Bells." Dick teased his boyfriend because he could.

It was so refreshing to be at this point in their relationship where it was just easy. Before, conversations were tense and overshadowed by various thoughts of the Bat. They weren't quite past their messy history and it's possible neither of them would be able to fully get over it. But that's what they had each other for. And on days like this, with Christmas only two weeks away, Dick surely felt like they could make it through anything.

"Nah. I just think the 12 days of Christmas is more romantic." Jason replied as he fiddled with the radio while Dick was distracted, hoping to change it to a different station.

"I could do that too, you know. Get my lover 12 crazy gifts to prove my love. If I wanted to, I mean." Dick joked with a little defensiveness in his tone, but not truly upset.

"Yeah. It's a nice thought. But I think we just should stick to the regular tradition of exchanging presents on Christmas with the family." Jason shot him down knowing how his boyfriend could get.

"Babe, I'm going to 12 days of Christmas you so hard." Dick took up the mock challenge with a grin.

What was that even supposed to mean? Was it a promise or a threat?

"Really...no one is asking you to. So, don't do that. Please." Jason tried to step back from the conversation but it appeared his protest might have been too late as Dick just hummed along to the radio as another Christmas song came on.

Was that really the only music that was available throughout the month of December?

Luckily, as they pulled into the parking lot of their shared apartment, it looked like Dick truly had just been messing with him as he failed to mention any more of the previous conversation.

Or so he thought.

~~~~>~~~>~~~>

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

"Good morning, Little Wing~" Dick was almost singing, he looked so gleeful the next morning.

"Did you get a new cereal or something?" Jason asked feeling off his game due to waking up later than his boyfriend (which almost never happened).

"No. But I made you something for breakfast." Dick smiled as he pushed over a bowl of absolute mush. Even at his best, Dick couldn't really brag about his skills in the kitchen, so Jason was a bit skeptical as he poked the suspicious goo with a spoon. Then he figured it out.

"Oh. It's oatmeal. Thanks." Jason wasn't a huge fan but it would be a quick meal and hopefully, relatively painless. After all, even Dick couldn't mess up oatmeal. Probably.

Then Dick frowned at him. Jason quickly backtracked his thoughts on the off chance that Dick had actually been able to read his mind. Although, his boyfriend wasn't really a TV chef, he did appreciate him going out of his way. Especially so early in the morning.

"Uh. No. It's Porridge. And I stopped by the store and I got this adorable decoration." Dick produced a small Christmas decoration from behind his back and set it down next to Jason. It was a little Christmas tree. He had to admit that said decoration was indeed adorable.

Wait. The ornaments on the tree were shaped a little weirdly. Were they supposed to be pears? Jason took a second, looking between the two items that his boyfriend was oddly excited about. Then he realized. Porridge and a pear tree.

"Does this have to do with what we were joking about yesterday with the Christmas song?" Jason felt a little endeared but mostly puzzled.

"Yes. And it wasn't a joke to me. Sometimes, I feel like you don't think I'm as romantic as you, so I'm going to prove it with over the top gifts, just like in the song and this is just day 1. How'd I do? Are you falling for me all over again?" Dick looked like a puppy dog begging for approval or a treat.

"Babe, you know it's a PArtridge IN a Pear Tree, right?" Jason finally decided on being slightly amused.

"Um, what's a partridge?" Dick just looked over at him as he tilted his head to the side. Jason could just imagine the big question mark over his head, anime character style.

Jason spent the next ten minutes explaining what a partridge was and why it would be in a pear tree as his porridge got cold. The short version would have been that a partridge was a bird and that he didn't know why it was in a pear tree, maybe they were looking for a sweet snack.

~~>~~~>~~~>

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

Jason just got home from a long day of trying to sort out henchman in-fighting and why did he hire actual children again? Better to work for him than someone like Black Mask. But still, he felt responsible for them. So, therefore he had to make sure none of them died over something stupid. Such as who had who for Secret Santa this year.

Jason knew that doing something as silly as Secret Santa might make it look like the Red Hood was going soft, but the truth was, it was good for team morale. And he knew that a lot of the people who worked for him might not be getting any presents otherwise. But of course, they all drove each other crazy trying to figure out who had who, as they did every year.

He opened the door to see Dick running around the living room and yelling at some birds flying around him.

"Get back here number 1!" Dick didn't even notice that Jason had walked into the living room up until he bumped straight into his boyfriend.

"Little Wing. Hey. I didn't-" Dick broke off to snatch one of the poor birds trying to sneak out the door. After he managed to grab the confused bird, Dick placed the bird back into a cage sitting on the dining table.

"Number 2. You be good now." Dick waggled his finger at the bird like he actually thought the bird would listen to him. Not unlike most of the birds Dick knew, this one too just wanted to fly away without thinking of the consequences.

"Dick. What exactly goes on around here when I'm at work?" Jason remarked as he much more skillfully than the elder had, coached the other little bird into his hand and placed this one into the cage next to the first. Then he glanced at the two birds side by side. Aside from being a bit spooked, they seemed fine. However, with all the chaos going on, Jason hadn't even noticed the tags around their necks. Name tags? One said Turtle 1 and the other was Turtle 2. Was Dick pet-sitting for Damian again? Damian did have weird names for his animals. Didn't he recall a Batcow somewhere in his memory?

Dick, meanwhile just ran a hand through his hair, looking thoroughly flushed but triumphant.

"So, what do you think? Are you swooning?" He looked at Jason smugly while Jason just felt lost.

On average, Jason was one smart cookie, but when it came to Dick, he thought that this man would never cease to amaze and perplex him. And he wouldn't have it any other way.

He tried to put the pieces together. White birds. Turtle 1 and 2. Turtle birds. Turtle birds? No. No. Just no.

"They're doves." Dick explained like he thought Jason hadn't figured it out yet and that was why he wasn't quote on quote "swooning" yet.

"Okay. Actual doves I'm impressed. But, I really don't think you needed the name tags..." Jason spoke carefully unsure of how sane his boyfriend may or may not be at the moment.

He was somewhat endeared, as always by Dick's efforts to be romantic but this was by far, his weirdest endeavor yet.

"Just wait, Little Wing. I promise you haven't seen nothing yet." Dick kissed him on the cheek and then walked away to tend to the birds.

"That's what I'm afraid of." Jason muttered under his breath as he watched the love of his life, even as crazy as he so clearly was, obviously making more ridiculous plans.

~~~>~~~>~~~>

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

Jason had went out to get some milk. It had been a 10 minute trip, tops. So, when did Dick have the time to pull off his latest recipe for disaster?

"Bienvenue à la maison. Êtes-vous Jason? Dick est un jeune homme si adorable." An older lady in a pink scarf greeted him at the door with a kiss on both cheeks.

Then, she walked back over to join two other ladies sitting on the couch, knitting. The one in the middle was wearing a knitted purple beanie and the lady on the end was wearing blue mittens. Otherwise, Jason couldn't tell the difference. Were they triplets? Was he even awake right now or was this some strange Alice in Wonderland dream?

He watched, feeling disoriented, as they gossiped back and forth in...What language was it again? Jason knew he knew it but he couldn't remember at this very moment with the absurdity of the situation.

That was when Dick decided to walk out from the kitchen in his atrocious ugly Christmas sweater of the week. It was green with various little pictures of Santa depicted all over it. To top it off, it looked like someone had poured an entire box of glitter over the entire design. Personally, Jason didn't see what the appeal of all the sparkles was when Dick shone so much more beautifully on his own. It was like the man didn't even realize what a literal ray of sunshine he was.

And the best part was that it wasn't even marketed as an Ugly Christmas sweater. It just was that bad. And Jason, the saint that he was, loved him in spite of it. (And maybe, a little because of it.)

"Good afternoon, my true love. Oh, hey. Thanks for getting the milk. This will be perfect for the tomato soup I've made for the ladies." Dick waltzed over with no explanation, just that easy-going grin and that assuredness that Jason could never really master the way the first Robin did, and stole the milk carton out of his hands like nothing was out of the ordinary.

Despite his boyfriend's shenanigans, Jason felt himself grow a little warm at being referred to as anyone's true love, and especially Dick's.

Then, Jason lost his train of thought for a few moments as he leaned against the doorframe, just watching Dick interact with the older ladies. It was a European language of some kind, definitely. But watching Dick, made it even harder to focus on any of his previous intelligent thoughts and hypothesis's. Finally, Jason decided to speak up.

"Dickie-bird, babe, why are there 3 old ladies speaking in Latin in our living room eating tomato soup?"

The ladies all perked up at hearing that and Jason prayed that they didn't understand the words, "old ladies". Dick looked unaffected.

"First of all, they're speaking French. I promised to feed them, hence the soup. And they seemed less of a hassle then those female chickens..." Dick shuddered as if thinking about something that Jason could not even fathom. The fowl horrors.

Ah, it was part of Dick's "epic" romance inspired Christmas plans. That explained everything. Sort of. However, Jason, did not feel wooed in the slightest. Just confused. And a little weirded out.

But he didn't want to burst Dick's bubble. He seemed so excited about this latest concoction of chaos. Hmm. Concoction of Chaos. That would be a good name for a band. Or a new vigilante group.

"Three French Hens?" Jason ventured the obvious guess.

"You got it! I was a little worried about how to get..." Dick rambled on and on as Jason just joined the ladies on the couch, listening in amusement.

Yeah. Dick was crazy. So, was Jason. But Jason was definitely the luckiest guy in the world to have Dick's kind of crazy in his life.

And he would never admit it, but with Dick's wild story about crashing Bingo night at the local senior center, Jason was starting to feel a little "wooed". But not because of the weird and over the top gestures. More because, Jason knew that this was Dick's insane way to say he loved him. So, he sat and gossiped with the ladies, after finally getting his brainpower back after the pure shock factor that was blocking it.

"Alors, est-il votre véritable amour?" The lady with the purple beanie asked with a knowing smile as the other two tittered and giggled at the blush on both of Dick and Jason's faces at the question.

"Yes. This man is my one true love." Jason answered as he stared into Dick's eyes and knowing he felt the same way, it was enough. More than enough.

~~>~~~>~~~>

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

Four calling birds.

Jason was ready for that. He knew the song. He knew Dick. What was the worst that could happen? As soon as the thought crossed his mind, he realized he had dug his own grave. Which was ironic, considering...

But the sight he came to to was one that absolutely no one but maybe, just maybe, the worst Batman villain of them all deserved.

A living room full of feathers, spilled bird seed, and bird poop everywhere.

It was on the couch. The rug. The armchair. The dining room table. It was absurd. It was astounding that Jason didn't see it coming despite his own reservations.

"Dick..." Jason called out looking around the room for the elder who was nowhere to be seen. Suspiciously, neither were any birds to be found.

Suddenly, Dick came running out of the bedroom with a very familiar looking birdcage and an even more peculiar sight. Jason sighed. He no longer felt wooed. He just felt tired.

The doves were back. And so was a parakeet. And a cockatoo. Dick really was trying to turn their apartment into a zoo. Or a bird-sanctuary. Either way, Jason didn't like little birdies that much.

And they did not like being tossed around, as Dick ran with the cage to Jason. As was evident by the endless noises they seemed to be making.

"Jason...you're back earlier than I expected." Dick's only response despite his appearance was not reassuring in the slightest.

His clothes were tattered, his arms were all scratched up, and most of his body was covered in bird poop. It seemed that the only thing left undamaged was Dick's face. At least, the birds knew better than to mess with his pretty face.

"Seriously, Dick?! Are those the same two doves from before? Why do they still have the name tags? Did you even return them?! Is that a toy phone in their cage?!" Jason couldn't decide on whether to be amused or angry.

Their living room was an absolute mess and so was Dick, but the whole situation did look hilarious. Perhaps, Jason would have found more humor in the light of day, but currently, he just wanted to go to sleep and pretend this was all an absurd dream.

"Um... they're supposed to be calling birds...?" Dick spoke up sheepishly as he set the bird cage down on the dining table.

"You know it was based on Colly Birds...not birds who call each other, right? Look, you can just stop. I appreciate it, really I do, but this isn't romantic. It's just ridiculous. And I'm really worried about what I might come home to next. So, please, for the sake of the state of our living room, just stop." Jason ended up at just plain annoyed.

Looking back, he might have realized he came across a little harsh. But in the moment, he was just so tired.

"Aww. Okay. I'm sorry, babe. I really thought you'd be more into it. But I hear you. And I promise no more crazy shenanigans. I'll uh, start on cleaning this mess up, if you'll start on dinner?" Dick offered up with a wry smile on his face.

For a second, Jason almost felt bad because he had clearly hurt his boyfriend's feelings. Even if the elder was trying to be nonchalant about the whole thing.

But then he remembered that day six was six geese-a-laying. He shuddered at the endless possibilities of chaos that that could cause.

"Maybe, it's best if I just get takeout..." Jason wrinkled his nose at the scene that he imagined was waiting for him in the kitchen if the dining table was anything to go by.

"Yeah. You're probably right. Surprise me, will you?" Dick laughed good-naturedly as he walked to the bathroom, completely forgetting about the birds on the table.

Jason whistled. He hated to see Dick go but he loved to watch him leave. Even covered in bird poop, Dick was gorgeous. A gorgeous mess, but still, it was in the name.

Jason headed out the door, ready to put all this bizarreness behind him.

But little did he know, Dick had one more surprise up his sleeve.

~~~>~~~>~~~>

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

"On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me..." Jason found himself singing the cursed song that started this whole mess.

But it was almost 5 o'clock and it seemed like Dick had kept his word. No more craziness. No more unexpected surprises. No more strange animals or their excrements in the living room.

So, Jason was in a good mood as he put on his nicer leather jacket to go to dinner with his boyfriend. Then, the inevitable happened.

"Hey, Jason. Can you come to the living room real quick. I want to show you something." Dick called out. So close.

Oh. And he sounded so excited too. That must mean his newest scheme was even more over the top than his last one. Jason was almost afraid to see the state of their living room.

Jason walked out with his hands covering his eyes trying to prepare himself. He didn't really like that rug that much anyway. The table was cheap. He was a big fan of their couch, but he could live without it. Probably.

"You don't have to cover your eyes. It's not that bad I swear." Dick complained.

But Jason knew better. He was not falling for that innocent tone of voice. Not again. Never again.

"Just get on with it, so we can head out to dinner. I'm starving." Jason and his stomach grumbled in unison.

"You're really killing the mood, babe. But here goes nothing. So, I couldn't afford five golden rings." Dick started up his spiel.

"Oh. So, that line you heard right. Well, it's fine. I already told you this whole thing was unnecessary. I was really just joking before, you know?" Jason tried to be considerate to his boyfriend's feelings. But that thought was rivaled by his insane hunger.

"Okay. But you didn't let me finish. I know I'm not that romantic but I still want to sweep you off your feet from time to time." Dick shuffled around some and Jason assumed that the lack of cooing could only be a good sign.

"It's really fine." Jason tried to reiterate but he knew that once Dick set his mind on something, he was going to finish it. Even if that meant burning down their kitchen. Again.

"So, I couldn't afford five golden rings." Dick repeated himself yet again worrying Jason. He didn't have a concussion again, did he?

Or did that mean Dick was going to skip that line and just go to six geese-a-laying after all? Dick wouldn't actually bring six expecting birds into their home, would he? Just to make some point about a made up lack of romance.

"You already said that. I love you just the way you are. Now, can we get dinner?" Jason tried to ease back to the welcome subject of food.

"Jason, please open your eyes. You're gonna want to see this." Dick pleaded with him and how could Jason ever say no to that man.

Jason uncovered his eyes only to gasp. The living room was perfectly fine, if a bit cleaner than it had been the day before. There were no birds in sight, nor people.

It was just Dick Grayson looking his finest in a tux. On one knee. With a small box and the single most anticipated question on the planet when confronted with that determined look in his ocean blue eyes.

Jason was not going to cry.

"So, I couldn't afford five golden rings. So, I hope just one is okay. Jay, I'll admit our relationship has been as crazy as these past few days have been but I wouldn't have it any other way. Sometimes it feels like you've known me all my life. And I feel like I've known you twice as long. Two lifetimes. The day I started dating you, it felt like no one else could compare and I still feel that way to this day. I don't want to just be your true love for twelve days, or Christmas or just one more year. I want to be your true love for life. And I figured Christmastime would be the perfect time to ask, so Jason Peter Todd, will you merry me?"

Well, Jason really could never say no to him.

"Yes. I'll marry you, my true love. You absolute idiot. Wait, when you mentioned Christmas did you mean like in Merry Christmas or...? Oh, my god...did you just propose to me with a Christmas pun?" Jason accepted the ring as Dick slid it onto his finger.

Then, he questioned all of his life decisions as he realized how much of a dork his boyfriend-no, his fiancé really was.

Well, you already said yes, so...yes." Dick sheepishly answered.

Jason wanted to face-palm. He wanted to groan. He wanted to ask himself if he could even keep up with Dick. But in the end, he did none of those things. Because he just couldn't be anything less than perfectly happy with everything that led to this moment.

"Honestly, I'm just glad you stopped after five. I do not want to know what you would have done with maids of milking."

And before Jason could say anything else, Dick leaned in for the traditional True Love's kiss.

(Usually, the True Love's kiss didn't make you 20 minutes late for your dinner reservations but Dick and Jason were always outliers, weren't they?)

~~>~~~>~~~>

"Hey, guys. I just wanted to break the news of our engagement." Dick decided to tell everyone during Christmas dinner. By waving his and Jason's hand around like they were at a One Direction concert.

Damian was the first to respond.

"Tut. I suppose Todd isn't the worst choice of life partner." He looked over at Jason while twirling his knife in a way that suggested he was considering how to word a threat.

Jason was actually surprised that the demon-brat had basically just given his approval, considering how protective he was over Dick.

"Congratulations, guys. Who proposed?" Tim followed up with a knowing look.

Why did that kid literally know everything before it happened? It must have been the computer obsession combined with the coffee addiction. He was always awake and always looking for more secrets.

"Dick proposed. Wait until you hear the story." Jason smirked at what he knew was going to be an amusing story for life. It was almost like the sixth gift Dick had given him. Unlike the first four "gifts", Jason would actually be holding on to the fifth and the sixth.

"Master Richard, Master Jason, I'm quite pleased you've managed to find such happiness within each other. May I ask if you've set a date for the wedding yet?" Alfred was next with a genuine grin on his face.

Dick's face reddened.

"Actually, I'm not really sure yet." Dick replied.

"Are you telling me that you haven't been planning this for weeks?" Jason gaped at his boyfriend sarcastically.

"Actually, uh, it was more of a spontaneous thing." Dick shrugged his shoulders as they all awaited the patriarchs opinion.

"Your relationship has held tighter than I would have previously thought. I'm happy for you, boys." Bruce looked carefully between Dick and then Jason and then he took a sip of his wine.

Well, that was as much as they were going to get out of him when they had sprung the news on him out of nowhere. Usually, his inspirational speeches were more planned and rehearsed. Perhaps, he would make a better one at their wedding.

Their wedding. Jason smiled.

He was really going to get to marry his true love. And what more could one ask for?

**Author's Note:**

> French Translations, courtesy of Google Translate. Open to any corrections from native/fluent speakers.
> 
> 1\. Welcome home. Are you Jason? Dick is such a lovely young man.  
> 2\. So, is he your true love?
> 
> My notes on this story...
> 
> Christmas Proposal be like..
> 
> You're not that romantic.
> 
> B, I'm going to 12 days of Christmas you so hard.
> 
> Jason x Dick. 
> 
> Dick is the one who proposes because pun.


End file.
